I rode my bike today

With any new journey in life, there are fears. Fear is what keeps us grounded. Fear is what hold us back from any new potential in life. It is a safety blanket for young eyes and old eyes alike.

Fear for someone with a mental disability, such as myself, is crippling. It is always present during morning coffee and slowly encroaching and crawling under the covers with me at night. As a parent, I have a lot to fear and worry about. As my child grows, so grows my fear and anxiety. Along with the two comes depression. I have been suffering through bouts of depression since the birth of my daughter. As she ages, my anxiety seems to increase and the spells of depression just get longer. I have quit many jobs due to a seemingly minute mental disability. Music helps, therapy helps, surrounding myself with loved ones helps. The darkness only stays at bay though.

Today, I rode my bike for the first time in a long time. I sat upon the seat and gripped the handle bars. My feet pushed at the peddles and I smiled. I felt the breeze upon my face and the sweat roll down my cheeks as I peddled faster around my lake. I smelled the warm afternoon air and felt the sun shine down on my skin. I pushed past the thoughts of tiredness and thought about the good and new to come.

Today was the first day of a new beginning for me. For the first time in a long time I am able to not only feel happy but truly be happy. My worries have been categorized and assigned specific "worry time." Today I was able to live and enjoy living.

"Nothing is permanent, we are all on a bridge to somewhere. Even when you can't see the other side, you can feel the bridge beneath your feet. Your job is to take one step at a time. Nothing is permanent and you have options to happiness."-unknown